Constructive Criticism

How to Receive It Without Deeming It Negative, or Better Yet, a Personal Attack

On the back end of my first solo online Masterclass, I’m eagerly awaiting confirmation and feedback from those who attended or watched the replay.

When I say MANY hours and weeks were spent preparing for this event—quite literally every spare second and thought revolved around its creation—so when receiving feedback on it, naturally, I want everyone to love it. However, when presenting to the masses, love and appraisal from all are unlikely.

To be completely honest—receiving feedback well is something I have had to learn over time. For many years, feedback, constructive criticism, and even the most simple communication were mistaken as a personal attack or threat. "How dare they say that about something I loved, thought, poured my heart and soul into," etc. But what I learned was that any form of communication I received was only taken this way because of the place I was in at the time—mentally, physically, emotionally, and energetically.

So, how did I overcome this ‘attack mindset’ and step into ‘I see and accept your point of view’?

In short, I did the work.

You see, anytime we receive any form of communication—verbal, non-verbal, written, or visual—we first have to reflect on:

What lens are we perceiving this communication through?

(i.e. How am I feeling within myself today? E.g., increased sensitivity, happy, exhausted, open, nonchalant, etc.)

Who is the person providing the communication?

(Friend, partner, relative, random person, troll, mentor, etc.)

In what context do I believe this person would want me to receive this communication?

(i.e. What tone or words are they using specifically? E.g., despite being critical, I know when my partner provides feedback for my highest good and never from a place of malaise.)

Does this person’s opinion really matter to me?

How do I want to respond?

(E.g., reactive, negatively, take a moment to process, understanding, positively, etc.)

Is this communication response worthy?

(i.e. Is this worthy of my time and energy?)

These 6 questions provide space for:

Self-reflection

External assessment

Non-bias judgment

Lens revision (the way we see things)

Projection awareness

Response assessment

By filtering any form of communication through this sequence, it is impossible not to reach a well-thought-out plan, approach, and/or response.

When faced with particularly difficult situations, people, or communications that are triggering for my nervous system (e.g., I feel overwhelmed, anxious, scared, fearful, shaking, etc.), I often implement a 24-hour non-response rule. That is:

I can process the information, configure a response, but I must NOT reply for a minimum of 24 hours under any circumstances until I have ‘cooled my jets’ or regulated my energy to the point where I know the response is not emotionally fueled and reactive in the moment.

This process, I can tell you, has saved me numerous times.

Honestly, it is a wonder what healthy processing, food, and some sleep can do for you and your nervous system.

Now, this is not to say that once the processing and 24-hour cycle is complete, a ‘negative’ or defensive response will not still be the approach you wish to take. However, what it will do is ensure that the response you provide is one in which you are prepared and happy to give/do in full, regardless of any potential outcomes.

There have been countless times where that 24-hour period has made me change/adjust my point of view, highlighted that a response/person is not worthy of my time or effort, or simply provided time for me to formulate a response with more clarity and grace that I would have otherwise not provided in the moment. Often, this has dramatically changed the outcome of that situation for the better.

You see, life is multifaceted. All internal and external influences are ever-changing. Once we recognize that not only is this happening for us, but it is happening for every person we come across, we begin the awareness process. It is in the awareness that we draw understanding, and from that understanding, we derive and CHOOSE what projection (outcome) we are willing to receive.

So, beautiful soul, I challenge you—try this process the next time you receive any form of communication: good, bad, or indifferent. Repeat it as often as possible, so when those super undesirable and often unexpected circumstances arise, you are better prepared to engage in a way that is most ideal for your consciousness, nervous system, and energy.

Much love,